Shot of Mylanta and a Pepto Chaser, Please

Well, I decided to try and give this piece a creative name, and that's the first one that popped into my head. Actually, I've found myself saying that a lot about a part of the show lately. And, let's try to narrow it down. First, it's definitely not the Steve Austin/Kurt Angle duo. Actually, I absolutely love those guys right now. They've been absolute gold. It's sure not the Dudleys, who are heel again. How they've gotten there is a little fucked up but, hey, I'll take a heel turn with them anyday. I'm also not bitching about the APA and their posse because, let's face it, I'm an APA mark and it's great to see them on TV again.

OK, now that I've gotten that out of the way, it only leaves a few things I don't like. Well, X-Fuckers is always a mainstay on my shit list, along with Lita, Billy Gunn, Big Show, and a few others. No, the one thing that I'm not liking and can bitch the most about is -you guessed it-, the shit between DDP and the Takers (Under and Sara). So, after all of this, I'm ready to get down with the second installment of why I don't like the angle.

In the first piece (located here), I just did an overview of what I didn't like initially, the interview where he sounds like a moron, and other happy, warm things. And I'm ready to add to it. I don't know where it might go but I hope you all hold on for the ride that is this opinion.

It's probably flaming apparrent that I don't like the angle. Actually, I think it's painful to watch. Christ, the Kennel in a Cell shit between Al Snow and Big Bossman had more storyline than this. Actually, any storyline with Big Bossman has had more leadup and sensical storyline than this. Even the Val Venis- Porn God shit from '98-'99 had more of a storyline and all that involved with Val making movies with Terri, Mrs. Yamaguchi, and Ken Shamrock's sister. I could probably go through more angles that, while shitty, had more buildup and storyline than this but I won't. I know you all want off this ride sometime and I do want to wrap this opinion up today.

Even with the nonsensical storyline, I think the thing I hate about it most is its purpose. Now, when the stalker storyline began, I thought that it would be designed to help elevate one of the boys into a more-profile position. Someone who was deserving and needed a feud with a higher-profile guy to give him the rub he needed. And many names were thrown around, from Leviathan of OVW to Raven to Dancin' Stevie to one of the younger WCW boys. After all, Taker always proclaims if you mess with him, he'll make you famous. So it would seem that one of those hungry mid-carders, who had never really gotten a break, would have been the stalker to get some of that fame.

Then enter the stalker: DDP. Diamond Dallas Page. Page Falkenberg. One of the guys in the WCW backstage who didn't exactly help the company. Mr. "I can't improvise a match; I have to practice and practice and practice and go by a script." That's when the angle really took the complete "gag me" route. So much for that hungry, up-and-commer who gets a rub from Taker.

Now, I can't blame all of this suckiness on Page, although it does get hard to refrain from doing so. No, I also place blame on Taker and his wife. Oh now I've touched a taboo topic but, you know what? Tough shit.

My prediction in the first opinion on this topic came true: Sara made her way to TV and now appears to be Taker's valet. And I hate seeing her in that position. Let me clarify before I start getting the e-mails. No- it's not that "breaking the bubble of fantasy" thing some out there suffer when she shows up. Like I said, it doesn't matter to me which way whether he's married or not. And for some of the female critics out there, the same applies, so save the sorry ass "you're jealous" crap for someone else. For me, I don't like the fact that she's where she's at because of who she's married to. And before I get it in a mail, I'll address Debra, wife of Steve Austin. She didn't ride Steve's coattails in and made a name for herself before she and Steve hooked up. And she has a solid part of the show, even if minor, playing a foil to Steve.

Sara's immediately being put towards the head of the class and made into a "Diva." That fact bugs me to no end because she's done nothing to deserve that position other than bag one of the biggest names in wrestling, whose coattails she's ridden in on. And I might give her a bit of slack if she actually has been in the biz before and had done some working, was an integral part of the show, and showed some semblance of knowledge as of what to do when the camera's on her. She can't act, can't cut a promo, and when there, seems to not know whether she should be a "badass" like hubby or a vulnerable woman, as she demonstrated when Page got a hold of her. Sad thing with this is the angle's being centered on her.

I also really don't get why many UT fans will defend her to the hilt, just because she's Taker's wife. Then, they'll turn around and bash Trish, Terri, or Debra for being "sluts," "skanks," etc. And these criticisms will be lobbed out for doing exactly what Sara has done, such as wearing bikinis or revealing clothing, having implants, and exhibiting other Diva-esque things the WWF embraces. If that isn't a double- standard, I don't know what is.

And now for the segment on Taker. It's real cute that he's exercised some of his pull to get her on TV. I guess after him supposedly being unhappy about being pulled out of the angle with Austin this is how they could appease him. It's also been summed up in a statement, on a forum I am a member of, that he's pissing away an 11-year legacy to get his wife over. I really agree with this. He should be trying to further solidify his position in pro wrestling in this last ride of his career. If I were him, I would have tried to keep the Ministry as the only major bruise on it, instead of adding this one as well, which will be a fresher one.

And I'm also less-than happy with him that instead of giving one of the younger boys a rub with this angle , the only one being put over is his wife. Now some UT fans will disagree with that but with his position and point in career, he should be trying to put the up-and-comers over. I'm not saying job him out to everyone from TAKA to K-Kwick to Scotty 2 Hotty, but for those who show effort and need that extra rub from one of the legends, he should do it.

With all of this, we've been treated to the Jerry Springer Showdown with their every appearance. Sara trying to throw a punch (with her thumbs untucked), riding down on his bike and seemingly not grasped that whole balance concept, and making grimaces that create nightmares. Kane's also being thrown into this and the only advice I have for him is to run for the fuckin' hills. All in all, many have labeled this "turn the channel" TV, as I have.

OK, well I think I've ranted enough on this and probably more will be coming down the road. However, I will leave some of the DDP/Takers Angle Haters Haters with a word of advice. When someone says they don't like the angle and can forumlate a good reason why, maybe you should come back with a better retort than "you're jealous" or attack them nonsensically. Hell, it's a good thing to have constructive criticism and it doesn't hurt to remove those rose-colored glasses when you look at him.

 

 

Date Written: (7-6-01)